Honey Bee Inn
by Enide Dear
Summary: Being the main pimp of Midgar's perverts is not as easy as it seems. The lates client is giving even don Corneo a headache.


Don Corneo sighed. When you had worked at the Honey Bee Inn for as long as he had you kind of thought you'd seen everything there was to see in the way of human nature. After all, the Honey Bee Inn was where people came to let loose and to indulge in their fantasies. And as the Don, it was his job to greet the new customers, listen to what they wanted and set them up with the proper man or woman. He was proud of his ability to do this without so much as blinking at the strange things that turned people on. But this was…this was… he sighed again.

"You want four men? And you want them to wear this?" He pointed at the pile of dress-up clothes.

"That's right."

It wasn't the dress up that bothered him. After all, he ran an establishment that catered girls in bee outfits. This guy looked pretty normal, but there really were no telling when it came to these things. You never could tell just by looking on them. After all, that huge guy with the artificial arm and fishnet shirt who came in every now and then? There was a guy you'd think was into kinky stuff. But all he really wanted was some regular vanilla sex. Said he missed his wife and didn't have time for a girlfriend now he was a single parent, which was kind of sad in a way. And then there was that neat ShinRa executive with his nicely trimmed beard and proper robes who looked as straight and normal as the next guy but who liked leather cat suits complete with fluffy ears and tail on his guys. And he kept a creepy cat doll in the room all the time. It gave a new meaning to the saying 'getting some pussy'.

Yeah, some of the guys who came in were rather sad people, like that First Class Soldier – and it was highly classified which one – who didn't even want sex, but just wanted to be held and cuddled and hugged. Not like that Second Class Soldier Zack Fair whose many appearances were not classified. He was rather nice and lived up to his doggy nickname by practically humping everything that stood still long enough. Or his friend who always had his face hidden as if he was afraid to be recognized. Or maybe he just had a thing for blindfolds; he sure did in bed anyway.

"That's going to be a bit costly." He edged. This guy didn't look rich.

"Not a problem." The man took up a metal thing. "Oh yeah, and one of them can use this." He handed over the metal object and don Corneo twisted it over in her hand, pondering what the hell it was. A weapon, that much was obvious. He mentally shook himself.

"If you want to hurt and draw blood, that is extra…"

"No, no. I just want to be a bit scratched with it."

No, Don Corneo really had thought he'd seen it all. Toys in the bedroom were nothing new. Old president Shinra had his obsession with playing through a whole 'kings and queen' drama before getting it on. Scarlet had her whips and schoolboy uniforms. Heidegger liked verbal assaults and Palmer liked to lick off lard. And of course there were the full-blown perverts, like the Turks. Actually no one at the Honey Bee Inn knew what they liked, not even the don himself. They just rented a sub-basement and came in in a group. Don Corneo had gone down into that basement once, when it was empty of course – he wasn't suicidal – and was fiercely glad that whatever they did, they only did to one another. Whips and costumes were nothing compared to the stuff down there, but apparently it got their rocks off because the cleaners complained about there being spunk everywhere to clean up. Sometimes there was blood.

Genesis Raphsody liked it classy and clean and to be caressed with feathers. Rufus ShinRa liked it dirty and nasty and always tipped a fortune. Angeal Hewley always seemed embarrassed over the whole thing and was really, really cheap. That blonde motorcycle delivery boy had a bad case of hero-worship on general Sephiroth which required his partner to wear contact lenses and try to keep a five foot wig on during the act – not an easy feat to pull off. There was this little trio of girls who came in every now and then for a strip show, and always troubled Corneo because he really wanted to hire the busty one, the one in pink always got too drunk and the youngest one kept stealing the stripper's rhinestone covered thongs.

Don Corneo thought he'd seen it all. But this…this was pushing the limit. He picked up a purple, furry head, complete with horns. It had a matching body suit that looked like a rug.

"You want someone to wear this?" He couldn't keep the disbelief from her voice, try as he might.

The guy nodded and grinned. He was tanned and blonde, if a bit short, and didn't seem the slightest embarrassed. He'd come bearing a whole damn suitcase of weird stuff.

"Yeah, the first one. Then the second one with big green mask and the electric shocks."

"And….this one last?" He gingerly picked up a hockey mask. There was a chainsaw in there, for goodness sake!

"Nah, nah. This is last." Cid Highwind held up what could only be described as a full demon outfit, complete with tattered wings and cod piece.

Don Corneo sighed and closed his eyes. This was going to be like professor Hojo and the tentacle outfit all over again.


End file.
